Sunday, January 15, 2006

Poor Neglected Blog.

Good Evening friends! I have neglected my blog this weekend. I work 12 hour shifts on Saturday, Sunday and Mondays in a job that I detest to the core of my being. It makes it hard to share from a positive place on these days but today, I am going to give it my all. I shall start by sharing my version of the week one check in:

1. I did my morning pages everyday. I thought this would be my biggest challenge but in fact I have really enjoyed them. It has helped me sort through a lot of stuff this week with the news of my upcoming surgery and whatnot.

2. I did do my artist's date on Friday. I gave myself a tarot reading with the resounding message of BALANCE. I found myself really resistant to commiting to an Artist's date and couldnt quite pinpoint why. I know I was anxious and didnt really want to leave the apartment but that is pretty normal for me on Fridays. I'll have to see how I feel about it in the coming weeks.

3. The resounding messages this week were of balance, connecting, quieting the mind and recieving. I feel all of these lessons are just beginning to unfold and I look forward to the work I will do with each of them.

SO that is it for the offical week one check in share. Now onto what has been going on in my life today. I have found that through all the work that I am doing in therapy and with the artist's way and rediscovering myself and my joy, I am changing rapidly and healing a tremendous amount. One of the hardest things I am running into right now is that as I heal and work towards the life that I want, the things that aren't working, aren't in my truth and that I am just kind of doing to "get by" are becoming more and more difficult, painful, frustrating ect. I, like so many others, have a lot of anxiety when it comes to change surrounding my job. I can always come up with a million excuses why I cannot leave this job that I hate so much. Granted some of them are valid as in, for example: I am having surgery within 4 weeks, now is not the time to lose or change your health insurance provider. Okay so RIGHT now is not the time to leave BUT I am feeling a desparate need to have a solid plan A and a solid plan B. I am feeling overwhelmed with desparation to know that I will never again in my life have to endure a job that makes me as unhappy as this one does. So that being said I know that my plan A surrounds building a private practice of massage and polarity clients once my husband graduates from nursing school. I also know that one of my deep down desires is to become a published author and to explore more mediums of art. The thing of it is that the universe is screaming at me to have a plan B and to do something now. Even if it is not the ideal situation, a little change to a better situation. I guess what it comes down to is that I need to determine the baby steps to my dream and figure out which ones I can start to take now so that I may embrace my joy along the way. On that note, and thinking of my plan B, I started looking into the associates liberal arts degree through the local community college. I spent some time in college right after highschool and managed to acquire about 21 credits but I didn't do well. It has always been one of my dreams to one day have a degree of some sort (besides my massage licsense). I kind of gave up on the dream a little bit and managed to convince myself that I wasn't smart or commited enough and that the cost of such an education would be a waste. ICK I do not like that I said this to myself... it's downright rotten. SO here I am in the middle of all this change and thoughts of even more change and ya know what? Surprisingly I am doing okay. Thank you all for your loving support and know that I cherish you all for your role in my healing journey.

In love and light and a little bit of chaos,

Jocelyn

5 comments:

Allison K. said...

I have been enjoying reading your blogs Joce. This one in particular resonates with me...you are moving in the right direction. Change does not come easy to everyone, I can relate...baby steps girl, that's the way to go!

I will be in touch soon (school starts this week...).

With love,
Allison

kat said...

you're doing fabulously jocelyn!! i think it's wonderful that you are creating a plan and creating your ideal situation. you will get there.

Jana B said...

"So that being said I know that my plan A surrounds building a private practice of massage and polarity clients once my husband graduates from nursing school."

"On that note, and thinking of my plan B, I started looking into the associates liberal arts degree through the local community college. "

So, you've made a Plan A, and you're browsing for Plan B...

It sounds like you are WELL on your way! Never doubt the power of small focused steps in the direction of your dreams!

Miranda said...

Joce,

By exploring yourself, begining the Artist's Way, and writing this Blog, you have already begun creating your plan B. It's happening as we speak. You are such a powerful, lovely being, and you will experience nothing but a powerful, lovely life.

Love,
Miranda

kan said...

What kind of job do you have? Do you have to stay there?

Paint ASAP. Therapy!