Poor Neglected Blog.
Good Evening friends! I have neglected my blog this weekend. I work 12 hour shifts on Saturday, Sunday and Mondays in a job that I detest to the core of my being. It makes it hard to share from a positive place on these days but today, I am going to give it my all. I shall start by sharing my version of the week one check in:
1. I did my morning pages everyday. I thought this would be my biggest challenge but in fact I have really enjoyed them. It has helped me sort through a lot of stuff this week with the news of my upcoming surgery and whatnot.
2. I did do my artist's date on Friday. I gave myself a tarot reading with the resounding message of BALANCE. I found myself really resistant to commiting to an Artist's date and couldnt quite pinpoint why. I know I was anxious and didnt really want to leave the apartment but that is pretty normal for me on Fridays. I'll have to see how I feel about it in the coming weeks.
3. The resounding messages this week were of balance, connecting, quieting the mind and recieving. I feel all of these lessons are just beginning to unfold and I look forward to the work I will do with each of them.
SO that is it for the offical week one check in share. Now onto what has been going on in my life today. I have found that through all the work that I am doing in therapy and with the artist's way and rediscovering myself and my joy, I am changing rapidly and healing a tremendous amount. One of the hardest things I am running into right now is that as I heal and work towards the life that I want, the things that aren't working, aren't in my truth and that I am just kind of doing to "get by" are becoming more and more difficult, painful, frustrating ect. I, like so many others, have a lot of anxiety when it comes to change surrounding my job. I can always come up with a million excuses why I cannot leave this job that I hate so much. Granted some of them are valid as in, for example: I am having surgery within 4 weeks, now is not the time to lose or change your health insurance provider. Okay so RIGHT now is not the time to leave BUT I am feeling a desparate need to have a solid plan A and a solid plan B. I am feeling overwhelmed with desparation to know that I will never again in my life have to endure a job that makes me as unhappy as this one does. So that being said I know that my plan A surrounds building a private practice of massage and polarity clients once my husband graduates from nursing school. I also know that one of my deep down desires is to become a published author and to explore more mediums of art. The thing of it is that the universe is screaming at me to have a plan B and to do something now. Even if it is not the ideal situation, a little change to a better situation. I guess what it comes down to is that I need to determine the baby steps to my dream and figure out which ones I can start to take now so that I may embrace my joy along the way. On that note, and thinking of my plan B, I started looking into the associates liberal arts degree through the local community college. I spent some time in college right after highschool and managed to acquire about 21 credits but I didn't do well. It has always been one of my dreams to one day have a degree of some sort (besides my massage licsense). I kind of gave up on the dream a little bit and managed to convince myself that I wasn't smart or commited enough and that the cost of such an education would be a waste. ICK I do not like that I said this to myself... it's downright rotten. SO here I am in the middle of all this change and thoughts of even more change and ya know what? Surprisingly I am doing okay. Thank you all for your loving support and know that I cherish you all for your role in my healing journey.
In love and light and a little bit of chaos,