Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A Rough Night....


I am trying to sleep but unfortunately plaqued by anxiety tonight and unable to. I am weary in body and mind from working so hard over the last year. My vacation is coming up in two weeks and can't get here soon enough. I have never experienced this level of, well it's almost emptiness like I just have nothing left to give my job right now. I could sleep 16 hours a day and it wouldn't be enough to recover and feel recharged again. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It is just so emotionally demanding and all encompassing and I need a real break.
The trigger for my anxiety tonight was a staff person getting sick and potentially unable to work tommorow. It is so frustrating to have people call out. I know stuff comes up and I am normally tremendously compassionate and accomodating to my staff but again, I just feel like I have nothing left to give and the thought of having to deal with extra aggravation... well it makes me anxious.
I don't know how many of you out there experience anxiety on a regular basis. It is an increadibly frustrating thing to deal with. Anxiety is a truly physical experience for me and detracts me from the things I am doing. I cant concentrate, I cant relax I just get stuck in these perpetual loops. That combined with my absolute weariness to the bone leaves me in quite a state as I am sure you can imagine.

I long for peace of mind

J

7 comments:

Leah said...

Jocelyn,
Thank you for your comment on my blog. I hadn't checked it in a while! I do appreciate your support. Things are looking a little better for me today. I am doing well at my job, and I got a check for half of the saving that my husband had taken. That is a huge relief.

So, I just wanted to say thank you and give you a little update on how things are going. :)
Leah

Jes said...

Oh Dear...you sound like you could use that vacation RIGHT NOW!

I used to be in a high stress job, and years ago, I decided to get out. I sling beers three days a week, and the rest of the time is for art. I'm a much happier person!

TAKE CARE of yourself...anxiety can lead to so many other illnesses....YOU need to come FIRST!

xoxox

mamas*little*treasures said...

Jocelyn - take care of yourself. I agree with Jes . . . . I've decided I'd rather be poor than have the anxiety and stress of a demanding "career." Keep us posted on your progress, and know that you are not alone. Even though you feel lonely . . . . Nina

Karen Beth said...

I think your vacation will help immensely. While on your vacation, what about looking into starting a yoga or meditation practice? I think that either - or both - would help tremendously!

AnnaAngel said...

God gives rest to his people. He gives strength. He gave it moses.
He is not a respecter of persons. He will definetly refresh u in ur coming vacation

Susan Tuttle said...

Jocelyn,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I used to be an elementary school music teacher, and definitely had my moments of stress. What helped me most, was trying to mentally leave my job at work, and not take it home with me. I did yoga as well, and that definitely helped.

I wish you luck.

Susan

Miranda said...

Thinking of you, darling.

Oodles of Love,

MMV