And now it is time for a recap of my now ending vacation. I am feeling a bit anxious about going back to work, I could use another week of vacation. I definitely did not get all the rest that I needed and anticipated and yet it was a pretty full and productive week.
I saw my nana for the first time in 12 years which was actually much more emotional than I anticipated. She is an absolutely lovely woman and I am exstatic to have an opportunity to build a relationship with her, even so late in her life. Complicated family circumstances have kept us seperated over the years and I feel I have a lot of time to make up for. Beyond spending time with nana I had several doctors appointments. They are still trying to figure out what is going on with my system. I had an ultrasound and everything there came back fine but now I have to have an endoscopy and stomach biaopsy which I am not looking forward to but alas, what can you do. Now, to explain my budda here, I went antiquing for the first time as inspired by Artsymama's blog, ( you can check her and her fabulousness out here.) I came upon this stone carved budda and he just spoke to me so I had to take him home and he has been watching over me this week keeping my anxiety level down and I am ever so grateful to him! I have also been able to do a lot of yoga and crafting this week. I took a beading class yesterday to make this. and I have been working on it all week. Okay now I have an underline and I have no idea how to get rid of it! I was all impressed with myself because I finally figured out how to put links into my blog entries and now I am stuck in underline land.... I am sooooo not tech saavy!

J

A Rough Night....


I am trying to sleep but unfortunately plaqued by anxiety tonight and unable to. I am weary in body and mind from working so hard over the last year. My vacation is coming up in two weeks and can't get here soon enough. I have never experienced this level of, well it's almost emptiness like I just have nothing left to give my job right now. I could sleep 16 hours a day and it wouldn't be enough to recover and feel recharged again. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It is just so emotionally demanding and all encompassing and I need a real break.
The trigger for my anxiety tonight was a staff person getting sick and potentially unable to work tommorow. It is so frustrating to have people call out. I know stuff comes up and I am normally tremendously compassionate and accomodating to my staff but again, I just feel like I have nothing left to give and the thought of having to deal with extra aggravation... well it makes me anxious.
I don't know how many of you out there experience anxiety on a regular basis. It is an increadibly frustrating thing to deal with. Anxiety is a truly physical experience for me and detracts me from the things I am doing. I cant concentrate, I cant relax I just get stuck in these perpetual loops. That combined with my absolute weariness to the bone leaves me in quite a state as I am sure you can imagine.

I long for peace of mind

J

I am actually having a chance to work in my studio and on my computer today... it's a rarity these days between work, my husband and his stress with school, my nana's new diagnosis of Alzeimers disease and on and on and on we can go. But enough of that, I am in a cheery and creative mood tonight so that is what I am going to celebrate!
I have a new book to review. Pretty Little Mistakes by Heather McElhatton is my newest obsession. It is remeniscent of the "Choose your own adventure" books of our youth but very much written for adults. It has been such an exciting journey to explore the book and I reccommend it to all of you as a fun escape as well as a trigger for some very powerful introspective moments. This is Heather's first book and just came out days ago so I encourge you to check it out!
I am playing with a new piece in my studio (or corner of the tuna can sized apartment is what I should really call the space. I am using a new crackle medium and am not too sure of my affection for it just yet. In any case back to playing for a bit I do believe.

Talk soon!
Jocelyn