Can you maintain cynicism and reach enlightenment?


I have continued in the perpetual struggle of accepting myself and living from a place of light an love. One of the things that I have viewed as getting in my way is my cynicsm and sarcasm. I have decided that I am not going to say farwell to these deep routed personality traits. Perhaps they are part of the sheid I use to protect myself from the world, but you know the ultimate goal here is not to be vulnerable but to be comfortable and for comfort I think we must all maintain some protection from the world. My cynicsm can sometimes stand in my way but perhaps rather than wishing it away I should make friends with it and learn to understand it and use it when it serves me and put it in my back pocket when it is getting in my way. ( holy run on sentence much? ) (oops! there's that sarcasm again) I need to recognize that I am a unique individual and I am not going to travel the same paths in the same way as anyone before me. I am forging into unknown territory of actually listening to what the universe is telling me and acting on... what's that word, oh yeah, FAITH (thank you dear ryan-you are my beacon of light)

So ALL that being said after spending the ENTIRE day in front of the television helping a poor soul nurse himself back from a hangover I drove home and I listened to what I had been told just last night. My focus is to be moving my body. The answers are in the exercise. As much as my spoiled brat cynical side whined and moaned I just worked my ass off for an hour and I feel just wonderful.

I close this entry with the announcement that in this moment I feel a great deal of pride in myself... I'm AWESOME!

In love and light,
Jocelyn

And Finally.... some eye candy for ya!!

Inspiration brings me back!

Hello there,

First and foremost I apologise for amy absence. Things in my life became a bit unmanagable for a little while there. My job (the group home) overtook all of my time when I lost a lot of staff and was working 60+ hours a week. I then got really into art swaps and kind of neglected all other creative outlets for awhile. Things have calmed at work and I have finished all swaps that I signed on for and then I recieved an email from Melba about Create a Connection and it was like POOF! I am back to blogging. And as I started reading some of my old favorites again I realized how very much I missed the world of blog.
My art has expanded scince I last blogged and I will share with all of you some mixed media paintings that I have done for swaps recently when I have access to my home computer.
My health is still a struggle. I continue to work hard to conquer my anxiety and depression and am in the process of a host of different tests to rule out something more serious like lyme disease at the moment so that has been a bit stressful. Though I think I am handling it in stride working from the strength I have gained in myself over the last year.
My marriage is on the rocks to put it lightly. Kevin and I have been married about 2 years and I don't know at this point how much longer we will be together. I love him tremendously and I know he loves me as well but there are crucial things that are just not working. As I heal and learn more about myself and grow as a person, my needs change. My desire the put everyone else before myself has diminished ever so slightly and he is not adjusting well to that.
So that is all I will say for now, an overwhelming update I know and I do apologise for that. Hopefully over the next day or so I can get my art posted so you have something fun and colorful to look at! I have missed this so..

In love and light,
Jocelyn