Friday …Friday, oh the drama that has ensued this week. I suppose that anytime there is a divorce on the table there is drama, but this seems ridiculous. I spent one night this week in the ER comforting my ex as he was diagnosed with some weird infection only for him to turn around and be his same old moody self the next day. AND THEN (and here is the big one people) I had an endoscopy yesterday where they took 8 biopisis of my stomach and esophagus and Kevin decided that while I was sedated and in the recovery room he would ask me if I was okay with him asking someone out on a date…. Are you fucking kidding me? What an ass! SO I asked him to go wait in the waiting room and later in the day when I was feeling better I told him that I needed space from him, that I didn’t feel he knew how to talk to or treat me appropriately and until he figured out how to do that I didn’t want him around. Oh an in all the conversation it turned out he really has already asked this girl out and she is only 20 years old… smart move on his part and I am sure this will be great for his sobriety (I say with my most sarcastic tone) Then he tells me this morning that he is finally getting around to filing the divorce papers today.

Wow… after all that all I am say is Thank God I am Out ! My feelings today run the gamut from rage to amusement to anxiety but all in all I just kinda feel like he can do what he wants just keep it away from me. That man is Toxic!

J

So the move was a complete disaster with a capitol D! After dealing wit a staffing crisis at work we managed to get the truck loaded up just in time for the skies to open up and release the downpour from hell. My bed took on about 10 pounds of water…. UGH My bed is like my island of safety and anxiety free zone…. Unbelievable! So now my bed is propped over the frame with fans blowing at it trying to get the damn thing to dry out and I am sleeping on a air mattress in the other room.. Wonderful way to start off a new place without my ex for the first time in 5 years wouldn’t you say?

BUT after all that drama I did manage to get a decent night of sleep and work up and am at work for the day. I am here till 4p then I need to get my car registered and then back to the very cluttered and unmanageable apartment. I can’t really unpack anything until the bed situation is taken care of as I am using rooms for things other than their original intention. Plus the bed drying process is taking up a lot of space.

The positive: I really enjoyed going out to my car this morning at 6:30 to the view of the golf course and the sun making everything so cheery. I did manage to get my bathroom set up so I am not slowed down getting to work.

Now… I need all the positive energy I can get on this bed situation .. Any advice, similar experiences ect.. My sister has a steam cleaner that I can use once it does dry out to kill anything that might be growing inside… I shudder at the thought.

Okay back to work… the other bummer, no internet at home until the end of the month so I can only post when I am at work.. Which is a little hectic.. Thank god for wireless!

Thank you to all who are offering support, I will visit each and everyone of you as time allows and my situation settles day by day.

In love and light,
J

I would say that I am slightly more positive today. I went and saw an apartment this morning which I decided to take. I will need to work a lot of extra hours to afford it but I think it is the ideal place for me to heal. It is a one bedroom but I am going to use the livingroom as my bedroom and the bedroom as an art studio. It will be the first apartment I have ever had as my own and I am filled with apprehension but excitement as well. I was very anxious about it today but now that I am back at work (doing another overnight) and I worked up a budget so I know what I am actually looking at I feel more confidence in my choice.

I am still increadibly sad as this truly marks the end of Kevin and I living together which has been a five year journey and I am sad to let it go, but this move is going to be much healthier for me. I just wish I could set aside the anxiety and the loneliness.... those are truly the pieces that are getting in my way now.

Will I date again? Will I find epic love or someone who truly truly understands me? Or am I destined to be broken and lonely? My views and perspectives on sex make me very different from most people, so I am told. It is not a very important piece to me. I have several medical issues that make it difficult and my sex drive is just low, it's just the way that I am. But I keep hearing that the only way to make a relationship work is to have a thriving sex life... while I have just lost my best friend and my marriage and I think alot of it has to do with my shortcomings in that area. I am fearful that there isn't anybody else out there like me that puts more value into my soul and my spirit, than my ability to fulfill their sexual needs. I am an amazingly complex woman with so much to offer and I just can't understand this sense of rejection I feel because I am "different" or "challenged" in this one area of life.

It makes me sad....

J

So it has been awhile scince my last post... the reason for that is quite sad actually. I am getting divorced. My husband and I made the quasi-mutual decision that this is what is best for both of us after 2 years of marriage. I do agree that this is whats best however, I am having a very hard time letting go... never has been one of my strong points. I have been unhappy for so long but have been working so hard in therapy to fix myself, fix my marriage, fix everything, make everything okay again and now it is all over.... well the fixing anyway.
I know all the logical things that people say, it's time to focus on loving myself and healing myself and I know that I am better off on my own than with a man who no longer loves me.. I know all the "stuff" What I don't know if why when I understand and believe all of these things it feels like my heart breaks again on a daily basis. I don't want to hear anymore about how it just takes time and that things will get better.... I just dont want to feel like this anymore.
I am working an overnight tonight and then looking at an apartment for myself in the morning which is a bit out of my price range but I feel cosmically drawn to it somehow and the way I figure it even if it is a bit pricey I only sign a year lease and a year from now I am going to be in a much better headspace to find something better.... I am working a lot of hours, which is good as my job nourishes me.. and I need the $$ I am working out almost everyday and eating a lot healthier.. Kevin has been gone for exactly a week and I already see myself making very positive changes that I found really challenging when I was with Kevin which is great... if it weren't for the dull acheing heart, constant anxiety and deep seated loneliness that I experience without a moments notice no matter where I am or who I am around and it seems like the only person on the planet that can possibly make those feelings go away is the man who told me he is no longer in love with me. All the logical thinking in the world can't help me here. I am trying to find the strength to reach out in any forum that I can for support in any way people are able to give it... care packages, loving comments, book reccommendations, anything that helps me feel connected again... it has only been a week but it feels like it has been a lifetime. Thank you in advance for any support that can be offered and please be patient with my blogging, I am tryin to do things as they feel right and there are days when nothing feels right including blogging....

J

I had to fire someone today......

ugh. That pretty much sums up my day. Two of my employees gave their notices last week as they are going back to school, and then today I lost another. WHICH means in a little under two weeks I am back to working 60 hours a week again. I know I can handle it as this is what my summer looked like last year and I am much better prepared this time around but it doesnt make it less frustrating. Between work and nana and trying to get back into college and trying to make some sense out of the mess that is my marriage it seems that it just never lets up! I haven't created anything in weeks. Mostly because I am so tired and it is tooooo hot in my studio space to do much of anything. I have been collecting images for my soul collage workshop in the fall at Just Be Connected... which is like my life raft right now! I am trying to think of all of the overtime as more money I can spend on all the wonderful artsy things being offered at the conference.

I think I would feel better if I had more artsy friends to spend some time (what time??) with here. I have heard that there is a group "Wicked Stitch" ( hey I'm from Maine ) that meets at the local coffee shop that I may check out this week. Perhaps that will lift me up a bit. I have also been trying out meditation with this Gaiam dvd that I checked out of the library and of course reading Simple Abundance but I still feel stagnate. I was talking with one of the men that I care for today about how challenging it is to figure out what I really want in life right now. Most of my employees are 21, 22 and are all in college and graduating, getting married and what not. I am going to be 29 in August and I am sick of college life. I love taking classes and all but not the livestyle that goes along with it. I want to have a home, a real family, some peace... I guess really ultimately I just want to be more setteled and have some peace, unfortunately my husband and I are not on the same page. He graduates in December but then wants to pay off some loans and perhaps go back to school and maybe think about buying a house in 5 or so years.... I mean come on now. Does this seem a bit ridiculous to any body else? Sometimes I feel like he lives his life just for him and his own agenda and I live a life that is about us. I know we have our problems but I guess this piece is really under my skin... I want to move forward and I feel stuck...

J

Riddled with confusion and emotion. I have been told by many sources over the last couple of months that a time will come shortly where I will be forced to release some of the toxic emotions that I have carried with me for years from my troubled childhood and the assault and the alcholism and eating disorder and all the complicated years. It seems the harder I strive towards peace with my new daily yoga practice and establishing a relationship with my nana, I find myself withdrawing deeper and deeper within myself. I am finding it hard to connect with people that I normally have no problem connecting with... I feel like... I guess the problem is that I don't really recognize these feelings. There is an aroma of anger and hurt but it is not accompanied by the normal depression it's like there is something growing inside of me and it is big and it is scary and it is something it seems only I can understand.
SOOOOOOOOOO in dealing with all of these tornadoes of emotion I find myself singing along with Tori Amos at the top of my lungs. Normally in my highly emotional states I need to create things in order to feel better but now I have no desire to create anything... it's like I need a larger physical involvement with my expression.

Can anyone relate?

J

And now it is time for a recap of my now ending vacation. I am feeling a bit anxious about going back to work, I could use another week of vacation. I definitely did not get all the rest that I needed and anticipated and yet it was a pretty full and productive week.
I saw my nana for the first time in 12 years which was actually much more emotional than I anticipated. She is an absolutely lovely woman and I am exstatic to have an opportunity to build a relationship with her, even so late in her life. Complicated family circumstances have kept us seperated over the years and I feel I have a lot of time to make up for. Beyond spending time with nana I had several doctors appointments. They are still trying to figure out what is going on with my system. I had an ultrasound and everything there came back fine but now I have to have an endoscopy and stomach biaopsy which I am not looking forward to but alas, what can you do. Now, to explain my budda here, I went antiquing for the first time as inspired by Artsymama's blog, ( you can check her and her fabulousness out here.) I came upon this stone carved budda and he just spoke to me so I had to take him home and he has been watching over me this week keeping my anxiety level down and I am ever so grateful to him! I have also been able to do a lot of yoga and crafting this week. I took a beading class yesterday to make this. and I have been working on it all week. Okay now I have an underline and I have no idea how to get rid of it! I was all impressed with myself because I finally figured out how to put links into my blog entries and now I am stuck in underline land.... I am sooooo not tech saavy!

J

A Rough Night....


I am trying to sleep but unfortunately plaqued by anxiety tonight and unable to. I am weary in body and mind from working so hard over the last year. My vacation is coming up in two weeks and can't get here soon enough. I have never experienced this level of, well it's almost emptiness like I just have nothing left to give my job right now. I could sleep 16 hours a day and it wouldn't be enough to recover and feel recharged again. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It is just so emotionally demanding and all encompassing and I need a real break.
The trigger for my anxiety tonight was a staff person getting sick and potentially unable to work tommorow. It is so frustrating to have people call out. I know stuff comes up and I am normally tremendously compassionate and accomodating to my staff but again, I just feel like I have nothing left to give and the thought of having to deal with extra aggravation... well it makes me anxious.
I don't know how many of you out there experience anxiety on a regular basis. It is an increadibly frustrating thing to deal with. Anxiety is a truly physical experience for me and detracts me from the things I am doing. I cant concentrate, I cant relax I just get stuck in these perpetual loops. That combined with my absolute weariness to the bone leaves me in quite a state as I am sure you can imagine.

I long for peace of mind

J

I am actually having a chance to work in my studio and on my computer today... it's a rarity these days between work, my husband and his stress with school, my nana's new diagnosis of Alzeimers disease and on and on and on we can go. But enough of that, I am in a cheery and creative mood tonight so that is what I am going to celebrate!
I have a new book to review. Pretty Little Mistakes by Heather McElhatton is my newest obsession. It is remeniscent of the "Choose your own adventure" books of our youth but very much written for adults. It has been such an exciting journey to explore the book and I reccommend it to all of you as a fun escape as well as a trigger for some very powerful introspective moments. This is Heather's first book and just came out days ago so I encourge you to check it out!
I am playing with a new piece in my studio (or corner of the tuna can sized apartment is what I should really call the space. I am using a new crackle medium and am not too sure of my affection for it just yet. In any case back to playing for a bit I do believe.

Talk soon!
Jocelyn

Can you maintain cynicism and reach enlightenment?


I have continued in the perpetual struggle of accepting myself and living from a place of light an love. One of the things that I have viewed as getting in my way is my cynicsm and sarcasm. I have decided that I am not going to say farwell to these deep routed personality traits. Perhaps they are part of the sheid I use to protect myself from the world, but you know the ultimate goal here is not to be vulnerable but to be comfortable and for comfort I think we must all maintain some protection from the world. My cynicsm can sometimes stand in my way but perhaps rather than wishing it away I should make friends with it and learn to understand it and use it when it serves me and put it in my back pocket when it is getting in my way. ( holy run on sentence much? ) (oops! there's that sarcasm again) I need to recognize that I am a unique individual and I am not going to travel the same paths in the same way as anyone before me. I am forging into unknown territory of actually listening to what the universe is telling me and acting on... what's that word, oh yeah, FAITH (thank you dear ryan-you are my beacon of light)

So ALL that being said after spending the ENTIRE day in front of the television helping a poor soul nurse himself back from a hangover I drove home and I listened to what I had been told just last night. My focus is to be moving my body. The answers are in the exercise. As much as my spoiled brat cynical side whined and moaned I just worked my ass off for an hour and I feel just wonderful.

I close this entry with the announcement that in this moment I feel a great deal of pride in myself... I'm AWESOME!

In love and light,
Jocelyn

And Finally.... some eye candy for ya!!

Inspiration brings me back!

Hello there,

First and foremost I apologise for amy absence. Things in my life became a bit unmanagable for a little while there. My job (the group home) overtook all of my time when I lost a lot of staff and was working 60+ hours a week. I then got really into art swaps and kind of neglected all other creative outlets for awhile. Things have calmed at work and I have finished all swaps that I signed on for and then I recieved an email from Melba about Create a Connection and it was like POOF! I am back to blogging. And as I started reading some of my old favorites again I realized how very much I missed the world of blog.
My art has expanded scince I last blogged and I will share with all of you some mixed media paintings that I have done for swaps recently when I have access to my home computer.
My health is still a struggle. I continue to work hard to conquer my anxiety and depression and am in the process of a host of different tests to rule out something more serious like lyme disease at the moment so that has been a bit stressful. Though I think I am handling it in stride working from the strength I have gained in myself over the last year.
My marriage is on the rocks to put it lightly. Kevin and I have been married about 2 years and I don't know at this point how much longer we will be together. I love him tremendously and I know he loves me as well but there are crucial things that are just not working. As I heal and learn more about myself and grow as a person, my needs change. My desire the put everyone else before myself has diminished ever so slightly and he is not adjusting well to that.
So that is all I will say for now, an overwhelming update I know and I do apologise for that. Hopefully over the next day or so I can get my art posted so you have something fun and colorful to look at! I have missed this so..

In love and light,
Jocelyn

And onto a new year...


Here I am on the eve of 2007. I have made some decisions about what the next few months are going to look like. Well, I made some decisions and the universe chose some things for me to be fair. As the universe has projected, I will not be taking classes this semester. With the exception of my very time consuming job I will be back to focusing on me. I have joined weight watchers online community today with the goal of losing 65 lbs.... I am actually pretty excited about this! I have also decided to check out this whole letterboxing trend... seems something I will enjoy. In essence I am going to actually truly commit to learning how to take care of myself and take my healing journey to the next level.
I have been working with a personal trainer on and off over the last couple months and have really enjoyed it. I have started some weight lifting and she and I have been working the bench press which makes me feel increadibly powerful. I am hoping with a combination of the strength building and the weightloss I will learn to experience living in my body as a positive and empowering thing. It makes me so sad to think this but in reality I don't think one day of my 28 years on this planet has been spent living from a place of acceptance and joy. I have spent all of my time looking at myself from the outside in. I need to learn to experience life from my own body, and I think a big part of that is going to be getting in touch with taking care of my body. So here we go, another leg of the journey.

Namaste

I am recovering from a painting high that just struck me and motivated my time in my studio. I managed to pull the first layer of an acrylic mixed media piece out of my weary soul. It is a eve with loud music and strong emotions. Manic in their range.

I spent my day with the men I work for wandering around the Portland Sidewalk Art Festival. It was really enjoyable but I must say that I did find the lack of representation of mixed media work a bit disconcerting. There were a couple of wonderful mixed media artist represented but the majority of the art work there were pretty things. Not that there is anything wrong with pretty things, however they bore me.

So here I am another night home in my lonliness. My husband at work, my friends otherwise occupied and my energy level low, anxiety high. Not a particularly comfortable feeling, unfortunately the remedy of ice cream and pizza is not doing a damn thing to pacify me tonight.

I can't put my finger on what I want.

Vivid dreams trying to send me a message and whether I am blocked by fear, laziness or pure exhaustion is hard to say. So much of the pieces of me that I abandoned long ago are coming back to make me complete once again. And with this overwhelming process comes a great deal of isolation.

...

Here we are the eve of my 28th birthday. I sit alone to the soundtrack of the new Ani Difranco album. Exhausted from work and painting and passion. It has been a long time scince I blogged here. I have been neglectful scince we finished the Artists Way process. Things have changed over the last several months. For one my job has changed which has been a huge blessing. I am now actually the team leader for a group home for men with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy. The house opened June 10th and my world became a whirlwind of work and anxiety and adjustment. Things have fallen into place and I am slowly losening my grip on the home. I have always believed it takes 6 months at a new job to relax into it and adjust. So I have felt in flux. But that is the nature of the beast I suppose.
My body has been aching. My healing stagnated as it seems. I have increasing back pain and my anxiety ebbs and flows with no avail. I am trying to find a new shrink to assist with my meds as I have yet to find a combo that brings me any relief at all. It is managable when I can bring myself to paint and express myself, but I am finding myself more and more tired and plagued with physical pain which makes the effort to do anything a huge challenge.
Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be an end to this ridiculous anxiety. It seems I have just struggled with it for so long.... how much can one person fight for themselves? Eventually I just want to sleep... like really really sleep. Deeply with no pain , no anxiety, no waking up, no cold sweats, no nightmares.... just sleep. It has been years scince I just slept... I am exhausted.

Absolutely to the core.... exhausted


Jocelyn

Another week gone by...


I am starting my day a little differently today. It is Saturday morning at 6:40 am. My work day has just begun and I have decided to blog first thing and see how that sets the mood for the day. I am not wanting to be here today... really I am not wanting to be here any day... but today especially. We have been having our whole office repainted (the interior) and it looks like today is the day they are going to be doing more work on the room I work in.... yeah for 12 hours breathing in paint fumes! This place is such a hole it's unbelievable, really. What little consideration is given to the health of the employees blows my mind. Anyhoo. I do not want to spend my whole blogging time bitching about the job you all know that I hate. I would rather catch you up on the events of the week.

This has been a pretty intense week for me. I applied for two more direct care jobs. One at Spurwink and one at Creative Works. My goal is to find and apply for 2 appropriate jobs a week until I am out of here. It makes me feel good and productive when I have actions to take on a weekly basis. Makes it a little easier to spend the time I have to here in the interum.
I had therapy on Wednesday and we talked a lot about my issues with body image, sexuality and intimacy. Very intense. What I think I have discovered is that I never really developed on a emotional level when it comes to sex. I spent my adolecent years trying to fill a role and please everyone and find the place that I fit that I never accepted myself just as I was and never had the chance to explore sexuality in a safe way. Now here I am at 27 and married and competely out of touch with my body. SO I am going back! My husband and I are going back to the teen years with our physical relationship so that I can explore and become comfortable and learn more about myself. I never had the high school boyfriend or the giggling sexual exploration. My experiences were all very intense and alot of them traumatic. I am very excited about this! On the other front in dealing with my self esteem and body image issues I am working on a mixed media painting to express acceptance of my body as it is right now. All the curves and roundness and beauty of the body I am blessed with. It is going to be a long process pulling all the images out of my head and getting them on the canvas but I spent 2 days this week working on the background and I am really pleased with it thus far. The other thing that I am doing in this arena is next week my dear friend Miranda is going to help me to update my wardrobe with clothing that really fits my body now and makes me feel good. I have avoided purchasing new clothes because of my deep desire to be smaller and now all of my clothing is ill fitting and ratty and i done care for much of any of it. Clothes shopping has always been challenging for me... not one of my favorite hobbies and I am so fortunate to have Miranda who is a master shopper not to mention fashion expert to help me on this part of my journey! So that is where the healing is at this week.

I also saw a chiropractor for the first time this week which was very enlighteneing. I have alot of upper back and neck pain which I have attributed to job stress and working at the computer. However it looks as though it can be more attributed to the way I walk and breathe. My body still functions in the "fight or flight" response because of my PTSD. I knew that my emotions were ruled by the PTSD and my hormones but had no idea that my physical movements were as well. SOOO I have 4 excercises to work with daily: deep belly breathing, tummy tucks (sucking in my tummy) Kegal excercises and striding (walking with elongated strides for 1/4 mile per day) These 4 excercises should improve my core stability and support my spine in proper alignment as well as retraining my body out of fight or flight. Very Intense!~ I go back to the chiropractor twice a week for the next two weeks and am pretty excited about all the syronicities... cool.

SO we are also finishing up the AW pretty quick here. I have been doing my morning pages on my work days, which does help with the work stress. I have pretty much abandoned the artist dates and have been using the time in my studio instead. I have stayed up on the reading every week and have done proably 50% of the tasks the past few weeks. I have gained a lot from the process and am glad that I stuck with it. I am sad that I havent been able to stay up with the blogs that I origionally did but most of my computer time was at work on the weekends and now that we are in busy season I do not have that oppurtunity as much. AND once I change jobs I won't have that opportunity at all... ah well I am doing the best that I can to keep all the balls in the air!

OKay blog time for the week is now over. I apologise for any spelling errors, I am not in the mood to go back and re read all this I just hope it is coherent. I hope yall have a wonderful week and I look forward to sharing with you again next weekend!

In love and light,
Jocelyn

Hello..... I think I am done neglecting my poor blog now. Things have just been so crazy scince the surgery that it has been hard to reconnect with blogger world. I have made it a priority to update my blog today so here I am at 6:39 am here to share with all of you lovlies. SO this is what has been happening: I am still hating my job, actually I think I am hating it even more now. I find ever minute that I spend in this building depleting my internal resources to a dangerosly low level. I am still waiting to hear back from the guy at Residential Resources. I applied a week ago and then emailed him a couple of days ago. I will give him until Tuesday and then follow up by phone. If I still get nothing then I am going to make it a priority this week to go through the job listings and find 2 suitable positions to apply for. Keep moving slow but sure to get myself out of this hell hole. IN the meantime I am fighting to keep my spirit open to new job opportunities. SO, that's the job front.

I met with my surgeon for my post-op on Wednesday. Eveything came back ok from the lab and looked normal. She did not find any endometirosis and just removed a small piece of fibrous tissue which could be the cause of my pain. We will have to wait and see. If my pain has not subsided then we know that the problem is more the vulva vestibulitis which sucks because there are not a lot of treatment options for that. I am beginning to fear that there is going to be a lot more of the mind-body connection involved in this physical part of my healing than I thought. One of the ideas that has been presented to me is to see a sex therapist in conjunction with my regular therapy process and do some deeper work with my emotional and energetic connections to my womb. ANYWAY this week I have been feeling a bit fragile, frustrated and sad. I had really hoped that after the surgery things would be much more setteled than they actually are.

As a treat to myself I went back to the massage school I graduated from and got a massage from a student yesterday. She was an amazing deep tissue practicioner and really worked a lot of the knots and problem areas out of my neck and upper back which is exactly what I went there for and thought I needed most. Physically I think it is what I needed most. But, emotionally I think I could have benefited more from a nice relaxing nuturing full body swedish massage. Perhaps in a couple of weeks I will need to go back and try for that. It is just so difficult for me to relax most of the time. Even when I am just hanging out doing nothing I feel like I am running a marathon on the inside. It just gets so exhausting and frustrating being me sometimes.

As far as the Artist's Way goes, I have been somewhat recommited to the process. I have definitley been staying up on the reading and doing about half of the tasks. I managed my morning pages 4 days this week and I did not even think of the artist's date but that is okay. I am not going to allow myself to feel guilt for that. It has fit as much as it can in my process for the moment and it has lent to a tremendous amount of work and healing. I plan to stick with this same level of commitment for the last two weeks of the process and finish it out with pride.

Well, I beleive that is all for today. I hope all is well out there with my blogy friends and family. I do sincerly love all of your feedback and I do apologise if I have been out of touch with your blogs I hope to get back into it at some point, when the time is right.

In love and light,
Jocelyn

This is my very first altered matchbook shrine!

OKay folks I am back and I survived! The surgery went well. They found some scar tissue nodule thingy behind my uterus which has been removed and I did have an unplesant allergic reaction to the pain medicine which sucked but I made it through and now I am bored out of my MIND! My husband has my car this week as his is in the shop so I am stuck at home and going stir crazy. You know when you are so bored you don't want to do anything? yeah, that's where I am at. I still have to take it easy. Yesterday I did some crazy cleaning and wore myself out (I was sick of my apartment smelling like a sick person!) and ended up in bed at like 5:30 and in quite a bit of pain SO I am trying to honor my body and my healing today and continue to take it easy but I will tell you it is not an easy thing for me! I have febrezed everything within reach and my cat is now avoiding me... hmmm I don't really have anything else exciting to share. I have taken a hiatis from the Artist's Way due to the surgery buisness and don't feel ready to recommit quite yet. I have been working on some different artistic projects and some nice treats for my new pen pals and I will share a bit with you all shortly. I have finally uploaded pics of my altered matchbox that I did for my cloth paper studio competition and am oh so proud of so I suppose I will share those with you in the next post above you lucky dogs :) Okay I got nothin!

In love and light,
Jocelyn

No weekly check in today folks. I am cranky, in pain and in no mood to deal with anything. I have been at work for 11 hours. I have had these pin prick sharp pains shooting out of my left ovary for the best 24 hours and it makes me very uncomfortable. I have a feeling I am going to be uncomforable, over tired and cranky until my surgery is over on Wednesday. THEREFOR, you proably won't hear much out of me until a couple of days post-op. I appreciate any good thoughts you can all send my way and hope to be back up and in good form ASAP.

In love and light,
Jocelyn